We can all agree that the 2010 election campaign was the ugliest in Anguilla’s political history. The mud that flew was more than was produced by Hurricane Lenny and could easily have filled the Coritot dump site. The charges and counter charges hurled between candidates where some were alleged to have been diseased with aids, to those who did not really know who their father's were, were enough to make the poll historic.

But through it all there were clear winners and losers and it may surprise the reader to note that neither were politicians. The clear winners were the election officials. They conducted an almost flawless job. Apart from the occasional stalled line, or officials having an annoying lunch break slowing the line up even further, the process was smooth and very well organized. Mr. Petty and his team were clear winners for ensuring that yet another general election was free, fair and totally transparent leaving behind no blemishes on Anguilla’s practice of democracy. These officials could teach a thing or two to the great USA and especially those in Palm Beach County Florida on how to conduct a good election.

But the biggest loser in the process was, without doubt, the Anguilla Christian Council and Evangelical Association. Not content with reminding their body of believers what rendering to God really means, they waded into Caesar’s realm as well and in the process made themselves look downright silly. Calling on politicians a few weeks before an election to commit to signing a Code of Ethics, which essentially says "Thou shall not behave badly", was like telling a bunch of alcoholics that "Thou shall not drink" when the bar top is laden with every brand of booze imaginable and the poor blokes haven’t had a drink in months. In the same way that it takes an alcoholic years to reform or dry out, the gentlemen of the clergy should not expect to ignore the slander on talk shows, the lies on the blogs and the name calling in the very House of Assembly, in the five years between elections and then pop up before the poll and wag their fingers at the politicians like "twits in a tisick." The farce got even more ridiculous when the politicians were called to St. Mary’s for formal instruction where they promptly appropriated the event for PR purposes while the clergy blessed them all for the battle to come. It appeared to me much like the priests of old blessing the soldiers going off to war, for the killing they were about to do, and promising them everlasting life if they died fighting. In that case since Mr. Banks and Sutcliffe Hodge among others fell to the sword of the electorate I suppose they could well look forward to the political resurrection.

But that was not all. Not content with blessing the troops, they then (or at least some of them I am told) called for election observers. Come Again? Election observers??? One can only conclude that they too must have fallen for the wild charges of corruption zinging the political landscape and may have believed that evil foreign investors may have also bribed Mr. Petty and his team to 'throw' the election a certain way. Or that they may have believed the nonsense of the political/legal pundits interpreting election laws which are hysterical to begin with and ran scared of the possibility of widespread political fraud. Whatever the reason for this absurd request I only wish Mr. Petty and his team could have had them all gagged and imprisoned in their respective vestries for insulting the history and practice of all our elections.

And speaking of Gagging. That too should have been considered when two leaders of the respected Methodist Church came out swinging against the former government. The first gave a keynote address at the A.U.M’s convention which he claimed was even-handed and balanced. Although some of his address was printed in this paper, not all of what he said was reproduced and this writer would have to rely on the wisdom of King Solomon himself to explain how that performance was not political. Politics here, and in every democracy, is the art of perception and any clergyman who speaks at any political gathering, even if it is to pray, creates the perception that he is biased no matter how he may cut it, dress it, or even cook it in holy water.

But the cake had to be given to another Reverend who told a rally that a vote for the United Front would put them, the voters, in "direct confrontation with God". When I heard that remark the organs of my body experienced what can only be described as a mutiny. My brain froze in disbelief, while my stomach and bowels urged me to draw nearer to the safety of my toilet. In the end we compromised and I collapsed with laughter but felt sorry for the Methodists. Once again I had visions of manipulating religious leaders extorting money from little old ladies, and simple folk, to build cathedrals with the threat of God’s vengeance if they didn’t cough up.

If that remark took the cake the icing came a day after the election when it was reported that the C.M’s offices were invaded by persons unknown making weird chants in ‘tongues’ and sprinkling some kind of oily holy water all over the offices. Apparently this was an effort to drive out the demons and evil spirits of the United Front Administration and bless the desks and computers anew. Frightened civil servants were seen scrambling in alarm and one was reported to have sought refuge in a bathroom where she appealed for rescue via her cell phone. I have yet to hear if fowl feathers were flying and chicken blood was splattered, and can only wish the poor janitors good luck as they clean up the residue of this exorcism. I would never even want to believe that the Christian Council would condone such a thing. Would they?

As a believer myself, I just wish to God they’d all just leave God out of this. If it all were not so laughable it would be downright pathetic and, come to think of it, that’s just what it is. But I suppose that if we are all God’s children then, like children, we can all be expected to behave badly from time to time. So in that case, although unlike some of the clergy, I will not presume to know the mind of the Almighty, I can only hope he gives us all a good spanking and that this time he will put a few more strokes of his slipper on the bottoms of those children who consider themselves ‘anointed’.

Contributed

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